13 February 2019, Epping Boys High School, Sydney, Australia
Where do I begin to tell you the story of my gorgeous son, Ben? At the beginning.
He was born two weeks early by caesarean section and was taken to the ICU because of difficulty with his breathing. After having the operation I was taken to the ward where I was bedridden. I didn’t see him for nearly two days, and was only given a photo of him by Geoff. Despite the reassurances from everyone that he was fine, I became paranoid that something dreadful had happened and I was being kept out of the loop. When he was finally brought down to be with me, I fell in love and bonded immediately, and right then I knew this kid would be something special.
He was an extremely cheeky and outgoing toddler, always engaging people to look and talk to him. I met so many people in the aisles of the grocery store, just because he wanted to talk to everyone. He could go to a McDonalds playground for five minutes and make new friends. It was always awkward when he would tell me he’d invited them back to our house to continue playing.
Once both boys started at school the teachers would always comment on how different my two sons were. At first I thought they were talking about their looks … until the notes started coming home! I think most of the teachers in primary school loved Ben’s humour and intelligence, but secretly wished he was in a different class.
Early in Year 6 we were requested to attend a meeting with Ben’s teacher. He had had the same teacher since the beginning of Year 5. Ben wasn’t present at the meeting, so as diplomatically as possible, Mrs Schlager told us she liked Ben but he pushed her buttons. She told us she was a little disappointed that the note she sent home at the end of Year 5, suggesting Ben move to the extension class for his final year, was not taken up. Geoff and I looked at each other, then back at her. Both of us at the same time said “What note?” Ben had read it on the way home and decided then and there we were never getting it. None of Ben’s closest mates would be in the extension class, so there was no way in hell he was going to be.
Just backing up a little, when Ben was 9 and Tim was 11 we had dinner at my Mum’s house. Geoff was at cricket training so it was just the kids, my Mum and myself. The four of us sat down and started eating at the dining table. Ben, always such a curious little boy, asked me a question. The question was “Mum, what’s a blow job?” While clearing the food from my throat, I looked up at my Mum for support. My mum placed her knife and fork on the plate, crossed her arms and said to me “This’ll be good”. Thanks Mum! A million things were going through my head, but I realised the truth might just shock this kid enough to stop him asking such direct questions in the future. So after a very long pause I told him exactly what it is – to the best of my recollection anyway. Ben screwed up his face and said “Eww, who’d want a job like that?”
Twelve months ago Ben asked if I could arrange for him to get a part-time job at my work. I did question whether he would be an appropriate fit, but then I figured if they didn’t want him they didn’t have to hire him. He got the job. Ben and I worked together a lot over the last 12 months – something for which I am now extremely grateful. We travelled to work in the city on the train, or in the car to Rozelle. I told him in advance there were some guys his age who worked with me, and they seemed quite nice. Needless to say within a few weeks of working there, Ben was tight with all of them. Soon after he had a hand in organising a pub crawl, and various themed dress-up nights, with the young guys and girls. I noticed the other day his Facebook background page shows him on one of those nights out.
This last year I have been able to watch Ben at close quarters, dealing with work colleagues and passengers of all different ages, and from many walks of life. I am so proud to say he has exceeded all my expectations. So much so that I feel a little guilty that I ever doubted him!
A few days after his death, I got a message from a girl who was in primary school with Ben. She told me she wasn’t close with Ben, but he was always lovely to be around, and was one of the ONLY kids to stand up for her against bullies. I am so grateful to have received that message and I am so immensely proud of that little 10 year old boy.
Our son, Tim has been amazing throughout this whole time, and we are so proud of him. He has been a tower of strength (literally) and we love him very much. We’re all suffering at the moment, but the bond he and his brother shared, although understated, was indisputable and unbreakable.
Tim’s girlfriend, Audrey, has offered endless emotional support to us all. She has such a gentle, unassuming calmness that has helped us cope with this unimaginable situation, and we thank you Audrey for that.
Laura, we all love you. Your relationship with our son was something to behold. Your bond with Ben was so intense, and his capacity to love you was second to none. I would always tell people you came as a pair, you never saw one without the other. The love they shared in the five years of their relationship was so beautiful, and I know Laura that it will live with you forever.
Geoff, you are my rock and I know we will find our way through this. I must admit I’m not looking forward to a future without Ben, and I know our lives have changed forever. I love you so much, and know we can do this together, and we will continue to treasure the time we had with Ben forever.
Ben told us not that long ago, quite seriously, that he wished he could be an astronaut. He has always been fascinated with planets, galaxies and all that is beyond this world. I truly believe he has got his wish. Ben is now up above us, travelling through space, exploring the universe. The brightest stars shine to remind us that the special people we lose are always with us.