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Eulogies

Some of the most moving and brilliant speeches ever made occur at funerals. Please upload the eulogy for your loved one using the form below.

For Ben Cordner: 'I will miss your uncontainable zest for life', by Geoff Cordner - 2019

October 25, 2023

11 February 2019, Macquarie Park, Sydney, Australia

I remember vividly at Ben’s 21st birthday party just a few short months ago, as the speeches concluded, and Linda, Ben, Tim and I, were standing arm in arm facing the crowd, I felt a wave of happiness wash over me that was like something I had never ever felt before.  At that moment I truly believed our life as a family was perfect.  We literally had all that we could ever reasonably have asked for.

Then just over two weeks ago our world changed forever.

But it has changed in ways we could never have predicted.  If you read or watch the news, which we haven’t for more than a fortnight, it is tempting to think the world is going to hell in a handcart.  But our experience over this past couple of weeks has been completely the opposite; there is so much goodness in the world it is impossible not to still have hope.  The support we have received from all of you, and from the wider community around us, has made us realise we are not alone in this – we are all in it together.  And there is enormous comfort in that knowledge, and strength too.

The second very important thing we have learned is that, no matter how much we might have loved and admired Ben while he was here - and we loved him with all our hearts – we never actually gave him all the credit he deserved for the person he had become.

The stories we have been told this past fortnight by so many people about aspects of Ben’s life that we didn’t already know about have swelled our hearts even further with pride, and helped us to more fully understand that the pain we are feeling is shared by so many others.  Because Ben touched so many lives while he was here.

It seemed to me that Ben was as happy this year as I have ever seen him.  All aspects of his life seemed to be giving him so much pleasure.  His relationship with Laura, his relationships with us, with his friends, his University course, his work, his sport.  He was saving money, he was planning for the future, he was looking at the entire world around him with that captivating, infectious smile on his face, and it was smiling back at him from all sides.

I am indescribably sad that Ben has died.  But if we had to lose him, then I am so glad I can carry forward with me the knowledge that he was truly truly happy when that happened, and that his life, cruelly short as it was, really meant something to him, and to all of us.

A few memories that I will always treasure:

The way Ben’s tongue, when he was small, seemed too big for his mouth, so that every word spoken was accompanied by a healthy spray of saliva.

Ben’s laugh as a young boy: now I know I might be accused of bias, but I would argue this was the most joyful sound in the history of the world.

Standing in the kitchen at our house about six years ago in tears after something on the TV had triggered a memory of my nephew Daniel, and having Ben come and hug me long and hard until the tears finally ended, and then a bit longer again, without either of us needing to say anything.

The many wonderful hours Ben and I spent putting together the slideshow for my Dad’s Celebration of Life.

The night we spent at the Big Bash just four days before Ben died.  Tim was away on his bus trip, and Ben and I decided at the last minute to go out to Spotless Stadium to watch the Sydney Thunder play.  I remember sitting with Ben that night at the game and feeling like we were just a couple of mates on a night out; like it was the most natural and comfortable thing in the world to be hanging out with your 21-year old son, completely relaxed in each other’s company. 

Ben I am so glad you got your hair cut very short recently, because I will never ever forget the feeling of stroking it as you lay on that hospital bed during the final hours of your extraordinary life, and the love I felt for you as I did that will never leave me.

Ben I will miss you so much.

I already miss seeing you walk out through the kitchen to the bathroom in the morning, one hand on your phone, and the other hand on your junk

I miss the way you called me Papa Bear

I miss the way you filled in the missing answers for me in the cryptic crossword

I miss your razor-sharp wit, and the cut and thrust of our regular repartee

I miss the way when I used a word you hadn’t heard before – like repartee for example – you would repeat the word, and say “Who says that?”

I will miss standing at first slip while you kept wicket, and having you calm me down when some poor unfortunate misfielded, or dropped a catch

I will miss calming you down when you misfielded or dropped a catch

I will miss hearing you say “How Good’s Cricket”

I will miss the fact that we can never play Fambrose again

I will even miss that permanently messy bedroom

I will miss your uncontainable zest for life

And most of all I will miss that beautiful beautiful smile

I love you Ben, and I always will


Geoff also spoke at Ben’s Celebration of Life event, as did Ben’s mother Linda Cordner. Both speeches are on Speakola.

Geoff writes regularly about his son at his blog The Beniverse, You can check out a post like ‘Batting with Ben’


Enjoyed this speech? Speakola is a labour of love and I’d be very grateful if you would share, tweet or like it. Thank you.

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In SUBMITTED 4 Tags BEN CORDNER, GEOFF CORDNER, EULOGY, FATHER, SON
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For Ben Cordner: 'He wished he could be an astronaut', by Linda Cordner - 2019

October 25, 2023

13 February 2019, Epping Boys High School, Sydney, Australia

Where do I begin to tell you the story of my gorgeous son, Ben?  At the beginning. 

He was born two weeks early by caesarean section and was taken to the ICU because of difficulty with his breathing.  After having the operation I was taken to the ward where I was bedridden.  I didn’t see him for nearly two days, and was only given a photo of him by Geoff.  Despite the reassurances from everyone that he was fine, I became paranoid that something dreadful had happened and I was being kept out of the loop.  When he was finally brought down to be with me, I fell in love and bonded immediately, and right then I knew this kid would be something special. 

He was an extremely cheeky and outgoing toddler, always engaging people to look and talk to him.  I met so many people in the aisles of the grocery store, just because he wanted to talk to everyone.  He could go to a McDonalds playground for five minutes and make new friends.  It was always awkward when he would tell me he’d invited them back to our house to continue playing. 

Once both boys started at school the teachers would always comment on how different my two sons were.  At first I thought they were talking about their looks … until the notes started coming home!  I think most of the teachers in primary school loved Ben’s humour and intelligence, but secretly wished he was in a different class. 

Early in Year 6 we were requested to attend a meeting with Ben’s teacher.  He had had the same teacher since the beginning of Year 5.  Ben wasn’t present at the meeting, so as diplomatically as possible, Mrs Schlager told us she liked Ben but he pushed her buttons.  She told us she was a little disappointed that the note she sent home at the end of Year 5, suggesting Ben move to the extension class for his final year, was not taken up.  Geoff and I looked at each other, then back at her.  Both of us at the same time said “What note?”  Ben had read it on the way home and decided then and there we were never getting it.  None of Ben’s closest mates would be in the extension class, so there was no way in hell he was going to be. 

Just backing up a little, when Ben was 9 and Tim was 11 we had dinner at my Mum’s house.  Geoff was at cricket training so it was just the kids, my Mum and myself.  The four of us sat down and started eating at the dining table.  Ben, always such a curious little boy, asked me a question.  The question was “Mum, what’s a blow job?”  While clearing the food from my throat, I looked up at my Mum for support.  My mum placed her knife and fork on the plate, crossed her arms and said to me “This’ll be good”. Thanks Mum!  A million things were going through my head, but I realised the truth might just shock this kid enough to stop him asking such direct questions in the future.  So after a very long pause I told him exactly what it is – to the best of my recollection anyway.  Ben screwed up his face and said “Eww, who’d want a job like that?” 

Twelve months ago Ben asked if I could arrange for him to get a part-time job at my work.  I did question whether he would be an appropriate fit, but then I figured if they didn’t want him they didn’t have to hire him.  He got the job.  Ben and I worked together a lot over the last 12 months – something for which I am now extremely grateful.  We travelled to work in the city on the train, or in the car to Rozelle.  I told him in advance there were some guys his age who worked with me, and they seemed quite nice. Needless to say within a few weeks of working there, Ben was tight with all of them.  Soon after he had a hand in organising a pub crawl, and various themed dress-up nights, with the young guys and girls.  I noticed the other day his Facebook background page shows him on one of those nights out. 

This last year I have been able to watch Ben at close quarters, dealing with work colleagues and passengers of all different ages, and from many walks of life.  I am so proud to say he has exceeded all my expectations.  So much so that I feel a little guilty that I ever doubted him! 

A few days after his death, I got a message from a girl who was in primary school with Ben.  She told me she wasn’t close with Ben, but he was always lovely to be around, and was one of the ONLY kids to stand up for her against bullies.  I am so grateful to have received that message and I am so immensely proud of that little 10 year old boy. 

Our son, Tim has been amazing throughout this whole time, and we are so proud of him.  He has been a tower of strength (literally) and we love him very much.  We’re all suffering at the moment, but the bond he and his brother shared, although understated, was indisputable and unbreakable. 

Tim’s girlfriend, Audrey, has offered endless emotional support to us all.  She has such a gentle, unassuming calmness that has helped us cope with this unimaginable situation, and we thank you Audrey for that. 

Laura, we all love you.  Your relationship with our son was something to behold.  Your bond with Ben was so intense, and his capacity to love you was second to none.  I would always tell people you came as a pair, you never saw one without the other.  The love they shared in the five years of their relationship was so beautiful, and I know Laura that it will live with you forever.

Geoff, you are my rock and I know we will find our way through this.  I must admit I’m not looking forward to a future without Ben, and I know our lives have changed forever.  I love you so much, and know we can do this together, and we will continue to treasure the time we had with Ben forever. 

Ben told us not that long ago, quite seriously, that he wished he could be an astronaut.  He has always been fascinated with planets, galaxies and all that is beyond this world.  I truly believe he has got his wish.  Ben is now up above us, travelling through space, exploring the universe.  The brightest stars shine to remind us that the special people we lose are always with us.

Enjoyed this speech? Speakola is a labour of love and I’d be very grateful if you would share, tweet or like it. Thank you.

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In SUBMITTED 4 Tags BEN CORDNER, LINDA CORDNER, MOTHER, SON, CELEBRATION OF LIFE, FUNNY EULOGY, POIGNANT
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For Ben Cordner: 'I remain in awe of all his wonderful qualities', by Geoff Cordner, Celebration of Life ceremony - 2019

October 25, 2023

13 February 2019, Epping Boys High School, Sydney, Australia

First of all could I ask you please to express your thanks to Tim O’Brien, to Nic McInerney, and to everyone here at Epping Boys High School who have made today possible.  The support the School has given us over the past two and a half weeks has been nothing short of extraordinary, and that support has been crucial in getting us through that very difficult period.

This place was such an influential part of Ben’s life that there could be, other than perhaps our home, no more appropriate place to hold this Celebration.  And as I look around at the number of people that have gathered today I feel safe in saying we made a wise choice to come here.

When you become a parent, particular as a father of boys, there is more than a little apprehension that comes with that about the responsibility of setting the right example for them.  What I didn’t anticipate, and what has become one of the great joys of my life, is that as our boys transitioned to young men it was them who would be teaching me lessons.
And on that subject, before I go on to talk about Ben, I would like to take a few moments to mention the tall, very handsome young man who spoke just before me.  From a young age Tim has set a wonderful example to his family, his peers, and the world around him about what it means to be a good person.  I have been, and I remain in awe of all his wonderful qualities – his humility, his empathy, his inner strength, that quiet confidence he carries that not once in his entire life, notwithstanding his many talents, have I ever seen descend into arrogance.  More importantly perhaps than any of those things, Tim has demonstrated to me that it is possible to go through your life without ever making an enemy.  Tim, we are so lucky to have you.

And so to Ben.

Back at Christmas time in 2015, which was the year Ben concluded his time here at Epping Boys, I wrote Linda, Tim and Ben a letter trying to explain, as best I could, how grateful I was to have the three of them in my life, and why.  I’m so grateful to Laura and Tim, who were going through Ben’s room a week or so ago, for their discovery that Ben had kept the letter I gave him back then throughout those three intervening years.  In that letter, amongst other things, I listed, for each of the three of them, the qualities I most loved about them.  For Ben, it was these.

I love your passion for the things that are important to you

If Ben decided he was going to do something, then he was all in.  There were no half measures with Ben.  Although this might sometimes have meant that he was a bit like a bull at a gate, most of the time the result of his efforts were outstanding – whether that was organising the Year 10 formal, or putting together and managing a new soccer team, or arranging a special night out with Laura, he was totally committed to the task at hand.

I love the fact that you see the power of knowledge, and that you genuinely love to learn

I truly believe that Ben was one of the smartest people I’ve ever known.  And not because he could remember stuff and regurgitate it when required.  But because once he learnt something he really knew and understood it.  And that’s such a significant distinction in my book – the difference between remembering something, and really understanding it.  Ben’s results at Macquarie University in the Advanced Science course that he was undertaking I think support what I’m saying.  His Academic Transcript indicates that of 20 completed subjects in which merit grades were awarded he recorded 15 High Distinctions and 5 Distinctions – no Passes, no Credits – leaving him with a Grade Point Average of 4.0, which is the highest GPA possible. I think this also reinforces my first point; if Ben had a passion for something, as he so obviously did for his University studies, then he would perform at a level that most of us can only aspire to.  And if I might digress for just a moment, I’d like to pay tribute to the staff at Macquarie University, and in particular the Department of Molecular Sciences, for the inspiration they provided to Ben these past three years as he sought to make his mark on the world around him, for the compassion and support they’ve shown to us this past fortnight, and for the extraordinary honour they are affording Ben, of which I believe you will be hearing more shortly.



I love your loyalty to your friends

I don’t think I need to tell you guys and girls here who Ben called “friend” – and there are a lot of you – what you meant to Ben.  I know I don’t need to tell you because you’ve shared with us the way Ben approached his friendships with you.  If you called him in the middle of the night needing a lift home he would be there; if no one else would dance with you, he would be there; if you had just broken up with your girlfriend, he would be there; if you were feeling depressed, or worse, Ben would sense that, and he would be there.  There are so many of you out there who know who and what Ben was, and it seems clear from what you have told us that you are so much the better for it.

I love that I can see some of me in you

Ben was the youngest son of a youngest son of a youngest son.  As a young man I think it’s fair to say he was a little self absorbed, and that trouble and disaster were his close companions.  He was cheeky, and he was more than happy to be the centre of attention – in fact at times he insisted on it.  I suspect some, indeed possibly all of these qualities may have been inherited.

Which leads me to the next item

I love that you are far more accomplished and successful in so many areas than I was at your age

Although Ben did indeed present challenges to his teachers and parents alike for many years, the fact is that the last Ben we will ever know was the sort of young man any girlfriend would be happy to bring home to Mum and Dad, any grandparent would be delighted to introduce to their friends, any sibling would be honoured to call brother, and any parent would be proud to call their son.  Ben learnt lessons so fast, much faster than I ever did, about what it takes to be a good man.  And if we feel the need to explain how he did that, we need look no further than the place in which we find ourselves today.  This School has changed the lives of many thousands of boys for more than 50 years now; but nothing I say today can come close to expressing how grateful we are for the young man you delivered back to us after we entrusted him into your care all those years ago.
Don’t get me wrong, that cheekiness, and the tear-arse nature, that were such an integral part of Ben’s personality as a young man, never left him.  But the humanity, the sense of responsibility, and the leadership that made Ben the person we will remember forever with such love and admiration were forged here, I have no doubt about that.

I love that you are willing to give honest answers to difficult questions

You would have gathered from Linda’s story earlier that Ben demanded honesty from those around him, especially us.  If he asked a direct question you better believe he expected a direct answer; as a result of which Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, to name just a few, were on borrowed time at our house.  But to his credit he didn’t ask anything of us that he wasn’t prepared to deliver himself.  Ben was a straight-shooter all his life.  There were no hidden agendas with him, no airs or pretences.  In a world where a lot of people are so image-conscious that they sometimes lose track of what is genuine, Ben was, as far as I am concerned, the real deal.  What you saw was what you got; sometimes warts and all of course, but no less lovable for that.

I love that you have been able to form such a deep and genuine relationship with Laura


I have given the School here plenty of credit for forming the man that Ben had become, and rightly so.  But there are aspects to Ben’s personality as we now know it – in particular his ability to look at the world from outside his own bubble – which may never have developed, and certainly not as quickly, or as strongly, without Laura’s influence.
These two were, to my mind, as close as a couple can get.  And Ben was so much a better person because of it.  Unconditional love is a wonderful thing.  Laura loved Ben, loves Ben, for everything that he was, and he felt exactly the same about her.  I don’t believe that he could have become the friend, brother, son that he was without you Laura – and how can we ever thank you for that. Hopefully by telling you and showing you every day from now until forever how much you mean to us, and how lucky we feel to have you in our lives.  And to Laura’s parents, Tim and Maxine, and to Nick and Rachel, and Cam, thank you for making Ben feel so much a part of your family over such a long period of time; so much so that I suspect there were times Ben would gladly have made a full time swap.

And so to the last item that I wrote about Ben those three years ago

I love that your future is so bright

What do I say about that one now?

What I say is that the way Ben met the challenges of life as an adult from 2015 up to now confirms 100% what I sensed about him back then.  That he was going to continue to set an example for all of us to follow.  As far as I’m concerned the fact that Ben’s life has been cut tragically short won’t change that one bit.  Ben packed more into his 21 years, and left more indelible memories for the rest of us, than many people who have lived much longer lives than he.  

I said at Ben’s funeral service on Monday, and I say it again to all of you today; I have never seen Ben happier with all aspects of his life collectively than he was in 2019.  So if we had to lose him, I am so glad I can carry forward the knowledge that his life was an extraordinary gift – to him, and to all of us.

I started off talking about the life lessons my two wonderful sons have given me.  If I look for the biggest lesson that Ben has left me, and there have been many, it’s to make every day count, to make our lives count, because we none of us know how much time we have left ahead of us.

Thank you everyone, from the bottom of our hearts, for joining us here today to honour Ben, and for the incredible support that so many of you have provided to us these past 18 days.  We will never forget it.

And we will never forget you Ben.  I love you with all my heart, and I always will.


Geoff also spoke at Ben’s funeral, and Ben’s mother Linda Cordner also spoke at the Celebration of Life. Both speeches are on Speakola.

Geoff writes regularly about his son at his blog The Beniverse, You can check out a post like ‘Batting with Ben’



Enjoyed this speech? Speakola is a labour of love and I’d be very grateful if you would share, tweet or like it. Thank you.

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In SUBMITTED 4 Tags BEN CORDNER, GEOFF CORDNER, FATHER, SON, CELEBRATION OF LIFE, LESSONS, MELBOURNE, 2010s, 2019
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