Pat Caslin: 'No fifties!', Romance @ Shilling Speakers - 2022

9 February 2022, Dublin, Ireland

Dublin isn’t a big city (about a million people) so when there’s something going on, there’s generally a bit of buzz about, and you hear about it. If you want to be part of that buzz, all you need is to get some fifties in your pocket to have a good time. At home, you know where to find it. You know where the sellers hang around beforehand. You kind of have an idea of the shape of what they look like and whether they've got what you need. They nod you off to a quiet corner where there's not too many people hanging around, so they're not that visible.

I say “Can I see it?”. It was the line I wanted. I said where did you get this anyway? He said my pal couldn't come so that's why I have it. I knew fine well that he had a lot more than what he had shown me in his pocket but there you go. The deal was done in a minute or less.

In the States though it's different. We were staying in Carmel, California. There was a bit of buzz about and we wanted to be part of it, but I didn’t know how to get what I needed. I went down to the lobby of the hotel and started drinking coffee for the afternoon, trying to figure out the cut of different blokes. Which of them was going to have what I needed. I finally settled on one particular bloke that I felt kinda had the swagger and the shape that I was looking for. I approached him. I was right. “I can't get this for you”, he said “give me a minute”. He came back with a phone number. “Call this number, but you're not going to get it'll 5:00 AM tomorrow because that's when he does business”. I thanked him.

I called the number. The guy on the phone didn’t sound too savoury. He said “turn up at this address at 5:00 AM. Wait inside. Don’t be late. And, no fifties.”

The following morning, I ended up on what looked like a Wharf. One side an old stone-looking buildings. On the other rusted fishing boats. I go up to this great big door, push it open with a big creaky sound. It’s about ten to five with “don’t be late” and “no fifties” ringing in my ears.

I step inside. The door closes. The street lights gone. I'm standing there thinking “Oh my God what happens now?” There's no light in here. Two minutes in, my eyes haven't adjusted to the dark. There's still no sound, and yet I have this foreboding feeling that somebody is watching me from somewhere. I look at my watch. Five to five. Still no sound. No light. Pitch black.

I'm cold now because its summer and I only have a T shirt. Then I hear the echo of very purposeful footsteps coming towards me. A big blinding light goes on behind the guy that's now standing in front of me. All I hear is “show me the money. No fifties. ”

I pulled out the $200. It’s 10s and 20s. “there you go” I said meekly. He puts an envelope on my hands “it's in there”. With that, the light goes off and he’s gone.

It takes ten minutes in the car for my knees to stop shaking before I can drive.
When I get back to the hotel, Sue says “How did you get on?”

I say: “Get yourself out of that bed my darling, the action starts in a couple of hours and, fifties or no fifties, we are going to be part of it.

“I tell you – only that I love you madly - I wouldn’t go through that again. My legs were like jelly for about 10 minutes afterwards. It was just scary. But, you know, I’d do anything for you whether that’s getting you a halfway line ticket for the Ireland-England rugby match at Lansdowne Road, or tickets for today for the US Open Golf at Pebble Beach. We’re on.”

Pat Caslin: 'I tell my kids that the most important thing about going to college is going', 35th reunion of B.Comm class of '81, University of Dublin - 2016

19 September 2016, Dublin, Ireland

Good evening everybody. Thank you Olivia, who I'm claiming as my second cousin.
David said to me last week that he didn't want me to speak too long and to get out the red pen when I told him what I was going to say. So I told him I was going to put a governor on it by standing up.

It's great to see so many people. It really is fantastic. It is great to see all the people that have travelled. Celine has come from the Cayman Islands. Kevin and Brian, Kevin Treacy and Brian O'Reilly from New York. We have from London, Carol Dempsey, Gerard Carolan, Helen Kennedy, Pat Butler and I saw Patricia Murphy. Sorry I mean Pauline Murphy and Patricia Geraghty. Apologies Patricia. And loads of people have come from all around the country. It's fantastic to see a lot of people here.

When we came into Commerce in 1978, the points were 16, I think. To get in now, to get in now - there is commerce, and: so there’s economics and finance; there's business and law; there's international commerce and there's just regular old commerce.

But to get into Ec. and Fi. as the kids call it, you need 585 points; Business and Law is, 520; and International Commerce is 510. So, I reckon that there might have been one in our class they got into Ec and Fi; probably three or four, maybe 5 or 10 that did business and law and you know maybe in total 40 or 50. But you've got to think that that is to deny the effect of the bell curve which gathers everything into the middle and pushes it up, a sort of an academic equivalent of the Wonderbra.

Charlie Haughey was Taoiseach in 1978. The Apple fine could have repaid the entire of the Irish exchequer debt, in full.

Kerry won the all Ireland 5-11 to 9 points, the first of four in a row, and we talk now about Dublin being that dominant.

Hash was something you smoked in the corner of the bar. It had yet to become a key on your mobile phone. Instant wasn’t a word used in the context of communication other than perhaps asking your mother if she was making Bird’s Custard.

If you wanted to send a short message you put it on a piece of paper, folded it, wrote the name on it and passed it along the bench. And if you were feeling really bored, you might actually make a paper aeroplane and try your luck. Or chuck sugar cubes at John Teeling. And maybe tonight he will tell us which of his students actually got a share in his big idea. Or at least promised that they got a good grade.

Is was nearly faster to get on my motorbike and to go home then it was to dial 900896 on the phone because of the length of time it took for the dial to go back around. And it was more fun and I could drive it down Grafton street at the time.

By third year my mother no longer thought garlic bread was an hallucinogenic and that Blue Nun on was not a strange religious text sect. When she heard the accounting firms were doing the milk rounds she was delighted that someone sensible might employ us because she thought we were drinking too much anyway.

We worked. In the summers we went to the US, the UK, Germany, Holland to do all sorts of jobs. At the weekends we worked in bars and at Christmas those who got up early got into Hallmark Cards in Rathfarnham. The rest of us delivered the post.

Smoking was everywhere including upstairs on the bus. That’s gone as is the Rocky Horror Picture Show and double seats at the back of the Green Cinema.

Some things haven't changed. The 46A still comes in threes and fours. The Merrion Inn is still there as is Ashton's and Kiely’s and the Horse Show House.

And we didn't need Facebook to have our own little talent contest. Miss B. Comm 1981 isn't with us and I don't see the runner up. But when I did see him he was looking slimer and trimmer. Where is Mick Doorly?

Some of the people that were in our class didn't make it this far. You know, on a sincere note, we remember those that didn't make it. There were people that were with us at the time that didn't make it, and there were people who had huge meaning that came into our lives that didn’t make it either and we remember all of those people as we're here.

I said at the start it's great to see so many. It's great to see so many looking as well and it's great to look forward to a fantastic evening.

I tell my kids that the most important thing about going to college is going. What we did in lectures, what we did in the library - you remember the microfiche? The worlds data hadn't been indexed in 1978 - that got us the qualification that we came for, the B. Comm.

What we did outside that was growing up, was making friends, was learning to manage ourselves, learning to find our way, learning to make decisions and becoming independent. This with the real education that we got here.

We dated. There were five weddings in our class. Three them are here: Noel and Karina; Catriona and Jim; and Carol and Ken and John McKenna and Lorraine Donnellan and Terry McGuigan and Alan Monaghan as well.

We came away from here with fantastic friends that we had fun with as individuals and families; that we've left off for long periods and picked up seamlessly with whom our children who become friends and even our children have been taught by some of you. Barbara taught my daughter. She's here in second year. My son didn't get in here: the box he wanted to take wasn't on the CAO form: it said “go to UCD with my friends”.

I’m deeply honoured to be asked to do this. It’s fantastic to stand in front of a wonderful group of people that we shared so much with. I'm looking forward to this evening. I’m looking forward to catching up with everyone and maybe we might just raise a glass to the B. Comm class of 1981.