For Ingrid Williams: 'He loved me so much that he gave me a wife that loved every part of me', by husband Monty Williams - 2016

20 February 2016, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA

Monty Williams is assistant head coach at Olklahoma City Thunder in the NBA. He lost his wife, Ingrid Williams, suddenly in a head on collision. This expression of forgiveness made the eulogy spread far and wide.

I’m thankful for all the people that showed up today. It’s a pretty tough time, not just for me but for all of you as well. I’m mindful of that.

I’m thankful for my family. My children have been unbelievably resilient this past week. All of my relatives who’ve flown and drove.

Many friends, some people flew in for the day just to spend a few hours with me and didn’t even get that accomplished. But it all is well received by my family and especially me.

The Bible says in Psalms 133:1, “Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity.” And I think that’s what we’ve done, and that’s what Ingrid would have wanted.

Psalms 73:1 says, “God is good.”

And I John 4:16 says, “God is love.”

During times like this, it’s easy to forget that because what we’ve gone through is pretty tough and it’s hard and we want an answer. We don’t always get that answer when we want it, but we can’t lose sight of the fact that God loves us and that’s what my wife and that’s what I, however badly, exhibit on a daily basis. But God does love us.

He loved me so much that he sent his son to die for my sins, and I for one know I’m not the man that you guys see every day. And only God could cover that. 

He loved me so much that he gave me a wife that loved every part of me, and she fit me perfectly, and I know different players that I’ve had over the years probably got tired of me talking about my wife. I used to think to myself, “Who else was I going to talk about?” So, that never bothered me.

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

All of this will work out. As hard as this is for me and my family and for you, this will work out. I know this because I’ve seen this in my life.

See, back in 1990, at the University of Notre Dame, I had a doctor look me in the face and say, “You’re gonna die if you keep playing basketball.” And I had testing done. Test after test, shipping me all over the place trying to find a way for me to play, and it didn’t work out.

And I kept that from Ingrid. She knew I was having some tests done, but she didn’t know the severity of the situation.

So, my career was over at the age of 18, and we had a press conference, and I left the press conference by myself and I went to her dorm room and I told her what happened. And the very next word out of her mouth, words out of her mouth after we probably cried a little bit, she said, “Honey, Jesus can heal your heart.”

And I’m evidence that God can work it out.

I don’t care what you’re going through. This is hard for my family, but this will work out. And my wife would punch me if I were to sit up here and whine about what’s going on. That doesn’t take away the pain. But it will work out because God causes all things to work out. You just can’t quit. You can’t give in.

 See, the Bible says Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. And America teaches us to just numb that and it’s not true. But it is true. All you gotta do is look around you. Get outside of these walls and you know it’s true.

This will work out.

Doesn’t mean it’s not hard. Doesn’t mean it’s not painful. Doesn’t mean we’re don’t have tough times and we’re gonna have tough times. But what we need is the Lord, and that’s what my wife tried to exhibit every single day.

Now, I’m gonna close with this, and I think it’s the most important thing that we need to understand. Everybody’s praying for me and my family, which is right. But let us not forget that there were two people in this situation. And that family needs prayer as well.

And we have no ill will toward that family.

In my house, we have a sign that says, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” We cannot serve the Lord if we don’t have a heart of forgiveness.

That family didn’t wake up wanting to hurt my wife. Life is hard. It is very hard. And that was tough, but we hold no ill will toward the Donaldson family, and we as a group, brothers united in unity, should be praying for that family because they grieve as well. So let’s not lose sight of what's important.

God will work this out. My wife is in heaven. God loves us. God is love. And when we walk away from this place today, let’s celebrate because my wife is where we all need to be. And I’m envious of that.

But I’ve got five crumb-snatchers that I need to deal with.

I love you guys for taking time out of your day to celebrate my wife.

We didn’t lose her. When you lose something, you can’t find it. I know exactly where my wife is.

I’ll miss holding her hand. I’ll miss talking with my wife.

Sam (Presti) and Coach (Billy) Donovan probably couldn’t figure out why I always wanted to get out of the office. Me and Mo Cheeks. Mo probably wanted to go do something else, but we always wanted to get out of the office. I just enjoyed being with my wife. I enjoyed being with my family, and most of the time, we didn’t do anything. We’d just be at the house, sittin’ around, doin’ nothin’. I’m gonna miss that.

Let’s not lose sight of what’s important. God is important. What Christ did on the cross is important.

Let’s not lose sight of that family that also lost someone that they love.

I love you guys. I hope I get a chance to hug and shake a hand and give a kiss on the cheek. But let’s keep what’s important at the forefront.

Thank you.

For Frances Thompson: 'Thank you, God, for doing that. That way, and that quick', by daughter Sara Thompson

2008, Uploaded to YouTube, partial transcript, clip was replayed at Sara's own funeral when she died of breast cancer

That reminds me of a story, when my grandmother died we were all at my mothers house, and my mother had managed to get these three little children, four I guess, 'cos Zacher was there, and they ranged from age of about, I don't know there age range, I would on any other day but today I can't remember. But I think they were small children, maybe six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Something like that, and they were playing hand and foot. And f you've ever played that you'd know, it's, you've got to really think, and I was so impressed, that I said, 'Oh Mother, you know I think that's so great that you've taught 'em this skill, you know their going to learn so much from all the things' and she said, 'I don't wanna play candyland'. So that's how she handled that.

Being one of five children with a mother who is very busy and very hurried, it's not unusual for her to go through the whole list of the children, and some of the dogs, and some of the neighbourhood kids, before she figured out who was standing right in front of her. Bu you know it's a completely other thing to miss-spell your baby daughter's name. And one time, she came out to be with me

when I had cancer surgery and we went to a little party for one of my goddaughters and she wrote her a little birthday card and she said, 'from Sarah's mother', and she spelled it S A R A... and then she stuck an H on it. I don't have an H on the end of my name. So I looked at her like she was an alien, and said 'Who are you, and why can't you spell my name right?'. And I found out later that is what she had intended the spelling to be, now I'm in my late 30's when I hear this story, so there's a little screw up in the nursery and, well that's it. So what I realised, is that out of all the years, and all the times she'd written my name, that was the only time, she'd put an H on it. And when I found out that that's what she had intended to name me, I thought she went some place so that she went some place deep, some place far back, some place that's the most primitive mother feeling so that she could take care of me when I went through the surgery. So I got over it.

My mother and I over the last couple of decades have talked on the phone every week. And when you talk that much, and you're different, and you're far away, you say things that don't come out quite right. And so for an awful long time, ten minutes after we'd get off the phone, someone would be calling the other one back, and saying 'ok, I said this, but this is what I meant.' or 'I didn't mean to hurt your feelings', and sometimes it was Mother calling me, and sometimes it was me calling Mother, and this gets a little old after a while. Because, it's costly. And excruciating. So finally, one day, she said 'don't think another thing about it', and from that day on, we've said that many times. Because the fact is I knew what she meant, and she knew what I meant, 'don't think another thing about it'.

You know my mother was very smart. Very, very smart. But, she did have a trouble. She had some trouble with technology. She really didn't get answering machines. She really didn't get portable phones. And I don't know if you ever got a message from my mother on the answering machine, but it's like she's talking into a well or something.

She starts out,

            'This is your mother, ... Frances',

Well good, 'cos I thought it was my other mother.

            'Well, we just called to see how you were, and um...', and you could almost see her trying to, you know, kinda crawl in there '.er... ahh ...and we'll call you back', and she did this I think to my sister in law, '...we love you very much, Amen.'

But you know, she didn't get that you have to push the button now, to get the phone to go off, so if you listened a little longer you'd hear Daddy say, 'Did you talk to 'em?',

            'No, they weren't there.'

            'Well, who were you talkin' to?'

            'No, they weren't there. I left a message. But, I think I said "Amen".'

Next message,

            'This is your mother, ...Frances. I think I said "Amen". I don't know what in the world's wrong with me? Well we love you very much. Amen.'

But, I just have to tell you that, like everyone before, I'm so happy you're here and I'm so blessed.

My mother and I tried to take real good care of each other over the years, and when she died, I thought, well, I know she'll be all right now. But I don't know about me. Who's gonna take care of me? 'Cause I know God's taking care of her.

And it occurred to me yesterday, that she didn't need me any more, but she left behind people that do. And she couldn't take care of me any more, but she left behind people that could. And so, I know I'll be alright.

My friend Karen said, 'You know, Death came for your mother several times, and she ignored it. And then finally God said, 'No, I'm serious, and Ima take you right here, right now, where you can't get away.'

Thank you, God, for doing that. That way, and that quick, and in this place, which is filled with people who love her much.