Michael Gordon: 'A valued colleague, a constant source of sage advice, a great friend', farewell to Paul Austin, The Age - 2016

13 May 2016, The Age offices, Melbourne, Australia

Thirty-five years ago, a 17-year-old from Kangaroo Ground arrived at The Age to be interviewed by three of the heavyweights of Australian journalism: Creighton Burns, Peter Cole-Adams and Cameron Forbes.

He was quietly confident, having been dux of humanities at Ivanhoe Grammar, where he was also school vice captain. Spelling and grammar were no problem and an interest in current affairs was his strong suit, but it didn’t go well.

He didn’t make the second round.

Paul may care to expand on the idiosyncratic nature of that encounter when he responds, but suffice to say he did better at Flinders Street where Bill Hoey was the interviewer (Bill, incidentally, had interviewed me a few years earlier and I didn’t get past first base).

A few months later, Paul Austin started his career in journalism as a cadet on the Melbourne Herald and in the next 35 years he did it all: covering state politics, being Sydney correspondent, joining The Australian and covering two federal elections, being national news editor and deputy editor before coming here in 1995.

Paul performed a wide range of roles here, too, including being deputy editor, breaking big state political stories, writing terrific features and sharp analysis and columns, but it’s fair to say his passion was editing the opinion pages and that was fortuitous for many Age writers, myself included.

As Shaun Carney puts it:

“As a columnist, you have an idea of the perfect editor. That editor always has time for you, listens to your ideas, engages with them, tests them. He never hassles you about filing late. He always welcomes your copy when he gets it. He reads your copy finely, checks it for logic and language, always improves it. He consistently makes you look better than you are. For many of the years I wrote the Saturday politics column for The Age, I never had to daydream about what it would be like to work with an editor like that because I had that perfect editor. His name was Paul Austin.”

In recent years, Shaun shared the role with Sushi, whose professionalism, rigour and contribution we also honour today.

I’d like to share some of what Sushi had to say about Paul over lunch the other day:

“It’s been a delight to work alongside someone so clear-eyed and empathetic. You’re a great listener and you see gaps in an argument where others don’t. You never approach anything by asking: do I agree with that. You always start from: is this a strong argument. You’re a thinking editor. You may be a man who holds his cards close to his chest, but when you play your hand, you play if deftly.
You have been a rock all these years offering guidance and friendship. And whenever doubt has crept into my mind, you’ve always been there to dissect, analyse and assess then issue your verdict. Not to mention the reassuring way you always say: CORRECT.”

Paul, you have also been a terrific mentor to many Age reporters, including Josh Gordon, who says:

“When I started in state rounds not long after the 2010 election one of the most daunting things was the thought of stepping into Curly's shoes. The man had a formidable reputation. Paul was inscrutable. Politicians almost feared his approval, because it meant the next week he come back and hit them over the head twice as hard. Never gratuitously, but always with a level of clarity, insight, incisiveness, calmness and logic that is held up as a benchmark in political journalism to this day. And because of this it had all the more impact.

He carried this into his work on the opinion page. If ever bereft of an idea, or searching for a punchline to a column, all you need do is phone up curly. He was always so generous with his ideas, perhaps because they came to him so effortlessly and gracefully.”

Another protégé is Rich Willingham, who says:

"Curly was an excellent mentor when I was a trainee during the 2010 state election and helped push me into the political world.”

And then there is me. Paul, you have been a valued colleague, a constant source of sage advice, a great friend and, most of all, a tremendous support these last couple of years.

Thirty-five years after it all began, a new journey is about to begin and, in a sense, you are walking out the door with the same emotions swirling around as when you arrived as a 17-year-old boy: anticipation, fear, nervousness and, most of all, excitement.

Go well.

Martha 'Marty' Cobb: 'To activate the flow of oxygen simply insert 75 cents for the first minute', SWA safety announcment - 2014

14 April 2014, Southwest Airlines, flight to Salt Lake City,  USA

Can I pretend to have your attention for just a few moments, my ex husband, my new boyfriend and their divorce attorney are going to show you the safety features of the Boeing 737 800 series, it's been a long day for me.

To properly fasten your seatbelts, slide the flat into the buckle to release, to release lift up the buckle. Position your seatbelt tight and low across your hips, just like my grandmother wears her support bra.

[Inaudible], there are eight ways to get there, two forward exit doors, two short wing window exits, two more exit doors, signs over head, disco lights on the floor lead to each exit.

Everybody gets a door prize in the seat back pocket in front of you along with dirty daipers, chewing gum wrappers, banana peels and all the other gifts you leave for us from time to time. It's a safety information card, take it out, check it out, you'll notice in the highly unlikely event that the captain lands us near a hot tub, everybody gets their very own teeny weeny yellow Southwest bikini. One size fits all, take it out unfold it, place your it over your head, wrap that strap around your waist, buckle it in front, pull it tight. Once outside pull down on the red tag to inflate, to manually inflate blow in that tube at your shoulder.

Flight attendants are coming by, hoping that you'll tell them how good looking they are, they're gonna make sure that you seat backs and tray table are in the full upright (inaudible) position possible. And your carry-on items are crammed and stuffed completely under the seat in front of you, leaving absolutely no room for your knees or feet.

As you know it's a no smoking, no whining, no complaining flight. It's a please and thank you and 'you're such a good looking flight attendant flight'. Smoking is never allowed on board the Southwest, if you are caught smoking in the lavatory, the fine for that is $2000, and if you wanted to pay that for your airfare then you should have flown somebody else.

If we do make you that nervous the next hour and a half, you're more than welcome to step outside, we don't discriminate at Southwest, we've a special smoking section just for you. We'll even going to show you a movie tonight, we have Up In The Air, and the flight attendant serving you is Wendy, and her motto is: 'if you can light it you can smoke it'.

Anyboard caught tampering with, disabling or destroying any smoke detector or webcam in either of the lavatories -- federal aviation regulation requires passenger compliance, provide passenger information saves the ... basically just do what we say and nobody gets hurt.

And although we never anticipate the loss in cabin pressure, if we did we certainly wouldn't be at work tonight, but if needed the oxygen masks will drop from the compartment overhead, stop screaming, let go of your neighbour, pull onto that plastic tubing 'til it's fully extended, place the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally. To activate the flow of oxygen, simply insert 75 cents for the first minute and (inaudible). Although the plastic bag may not inflate, you are receiving lots and lots of gin, oxy-gin that is.

And if you're travelling with small children, we're sorry. If you're travelling with more than one child, pick out the one you think might have the most earning potential down the road. And if you're travelling with someone needing very special assistance, like your husband, bless, sorry, or your wife, put on your mask first. That's it for the do's and don't's show and tell, sit back and relax, or you can sit up and be tense, either way is (inaudible).

Seriously, if there is anything we can do to make your flight more enjoyable please tell us -- just as soon as we land in Salt Lake City. And if there's anything you can do to make our flight more enjoyable, we'll tell you immediately. We're not shy in the Southwest. That's what we call very cheap entertainment, nobody had to pay extra, but you certainly don't get a refund.

That's it from me and Southwest, welcome aboard.

Flight attendant: 'To start the flow of oxygen you have to first stop screaming', Southwest Airlines - 2015

17 June 2014, Southwest Airlines flight San Francisco to Chicago, USA

...Boeing 737 700 series aircraft.

In the event you haven’t been in an automobile since 1960, flight attendants still have to show you how to fasten a seatbelt. So to fasten a seatbelt you do this, to unfasten the seatbelt you do that, and that seatbelt needs to be low and tight across your hips just like the hot pink Speedo I’m gonna be wearing when I finally get the three of us to a hotel hot tub tonight.

Folks, if you don’t like the jokes or the service today, there are six ways out of this airplane. You feel free to use them. There's two forward exit doors, two over-wing window exits and two rear exit doors, the signs on the ceiling and disco lights on the floor shall lead you to these exits.

In the seat back pocket in front of you the safety information card shows safety features of the aircraft, as well as our evacuation processes. Please take a moment to look it over. And in the event that our captain decides to turn the love airline Southwest Airline into a cabin cruise today, we're going to instruct you in how to remove the life vest from underneath the seat, and folks please, it is a life vest not a toilet seat cover. You place it over your head, you bring the black strap around your tiny little waist, you snap it in front and pull to tighten. To inflate the life vest after you exit the aircraft you pull down on the red tab and for those of you that have to do absolutely everything the most difficult way, well you blow into that red tube located at the shoulder, the very best of luck to you with that, and then kick paddle over to the shore. The cabin crew will be behind you shortly, you'll be able to recognise us, we'll be the ones carrying the liquor kit, and thefamous fresh peanuts.

Now the ladies passing through the cabin at this time to make sure your shoes and socks and handbags match -  I'm so sorry, but what I noticed during the boarding process, an awful lot of you need a little fashion consultation.

Folks, underneath that seat, kick it, cram it and shove it all the way underneath.

We're booked the non smoking flight over to Chicago today for three hours and thirty, but for those of you that have to enjoy a cigarette today, we have two entertainment lounges for you. One's out there on the left wing and the other one's right across the hall on the right wing. And if you think you are talented enough to light it, you can certainly smoke it.

The rest of us, well we're going to enjoy two feature films this evening, Gone with the Wind, and Bye Bye Birdie.  Ladies and gentlemen, the message is clear and very very simple -- do not be naughty in that pottie, leave the webcam alone or you end up on Youtube next week, oh it's $2200 for tampering with the smoke detector in the lavatory, and you know if you had $2200 you'd be on United Airline, in first class and not ....

And the ladies and I certainly wouldn't have shown up for work tonight if we had anticipated a decompression, but in the event of a decompression, four bright yellow buttercup masks designed by Gucci & Martha Stewart -- well they're gonna drop from that compartment overhead, and to start the flow of oxygen you have to first stop screaming. You let go of the person next to you, you reach up there for that mask, fully extending the plastic tubing, place it over your big nose and mouth and you continue wearing that mask until otherwise notified by one your three uniformed crew members.

As the crew members that you'll see running around our cabin naked today, they just simply cannot be trusted. Now ladies, for those of you that are travelling with someone that's going to need your special assistance, ladies, you know who I'm talking about, that very dear husband of yours. Ladies, you may want to take my advice, sit back, think about it for a bit... diamonds! diamonds!

For those of you travelling with your children, ...why?

For those of you that are travelling with two of your children, what in the world were you thinking? But when those masks fall, you'll want to put the mask on the bright one, that one's going to contribute to your retirement most successfully.

Ladies and gentlemen, do us a favour today, sit back, relax, enjoy our hospitality, or you can sit up and be tense, that choice is yours. The pleasure to serve you today is certainly ours. Now, one final message for you. (sings) We love you, you love us, we're much faster than the bus, we hope you enjoy our hospitality, marry one of us and you'd fly free.

Now folks you have three hours and thirty minutes to think about that proposal, but you need to know that one of us is a little higher maintenance than the other two.